8 Tips for Teaching House Rules to Foster Children

When you welcome a foster child into your home, establishing clear expectations and house rules is important for providing stability and helping them feel secure. However, as many foster children come from difficult backgrounds, they may not be used to structure and consistency. Teaching house rules effectively requires empathy, patience and an understanding approach.

Introduce Rules Gradually

Don’t overwhelm children with long lists of dos and don’ts straight away. Introduce a few key rules to begin with, explaining the reasons behind them. Then add further guidelines gradually once they have adjusted. It can also help to review the rules before bed each night.

Be Consistent

Children testing boundaries is inevitable. Calmly reinforce the rules every time, using clear language. Consistency from all family members is vital for children to internalise expectations. If parents enforce rules differently, it can be confusing and send mixed messages. So, you must make sure that everyone is on the same page.

Make Visual Reminders

It’s a good idea to create charts displaying the rules using pictures/symbols. Then, place them around the house, especially in key areas like the kitchen or bedroom. Visual cues reinforce boundaries and aid memory. Laminating the charts makes them durable, and using magnets allows you to post them on the refrigerator.

Encourage Questions

Foster children may struggle to understand why certain rules are in place if they are used to different norms. Encourage them to ask questions and provide reassurance around rules they are unsure about. Answering questions patiently builds trust and helps children feel heard and understood.

Explain in Positive Terms

Use positive language when discussing rules, e.g. “please put your clothes away neatly” rather than “don’t make a mess”. It focuses children on the desired behaviour rather than the negative. Phrasing rules positively sets children up for success and feels more uplifting.

Role Model Expected Behaviour

Actions speak louder than words. Role model the behaviour you expect from children in relation to rules and they are more likely to mirror you. If you want children to speak respectfully, always use polite language and tones when addressing them or others.

Respond Calmly to Testing

Children will inevitably test boundaries, especially if they did not have structure before. Rather than reacting angrily, respond calmly and restate the rule. Reinforce consequences of breaking them. Counting to ten when frustrated can help maintain calm and model emotional control.

Get Agency Advice

If you are fostering in Edinburgh discuss setting and enforcing house rules with your fostering agency. They can provide guidance on balancing structure with empathy, taking the child’s background into account. Implementing rules effectively is a learning process. Ask if they have printables or other resources around expectations to help inform your approach.

Establishing house rules provides foster children with clarity and stability. By taking an understanding yet consistent approach, with gradual integration, you can help teach rules effectively. Stay calm, positive and get specialist advice when needed. With time and reassurance, house rules become embedded.